Coaches love using the ‘magic wand question’. It goes something like: “If you had a magic wand – if you had unlimited resources and means– and if you could wish for anything, what would you like to do or have?” The reason why this question is used in coaching is that it triggers fresh thinking, it creates a new starting point, a clean slate.
Rather than figuring out where to go next within the context of what is asked and expected from you in your current environment, which understandably is the default perspective for most people, the magic wand question reverses the perspective and invites you to design your life on the basis of what you are truly passionate about. Rather than making the most of the space you feel you have, you can create a space that reflects your inner drive. This can be very powerful and refreshing when you feel stuck, frustrated, bored or generally unhappy with where you are. When ging through the motions of our daily routines, it is easy to forget what it is that lights us up inside.
Until recently, I was not able to answer the magic wand question. Even though I was kind of frustrated with not being able to come up with a cool vision of my life, I felt I was happy with where I was and I believed that this was the reason why nothing came to mind. This changed when someone asked me that same question, but with a twist: “If you had a magic wand and could wish for anything, how would you like to feel?” I knew instantly what the answer was to that question: safe, at ease. I knew in my heart that this was true for me, but at the same time this answer surprised and puzzled me as I couldn’t think of anything in my life that would qualify as coming anywhere near threatening or unsafe. So, why did I instinctively think of ‘being at ease’ as the answer to the question how I would like to feel? It was not until last month that I found the answer, which is surprisingly simple. Let me explain.
If the brain perceives something as a dangerous, our automatic survival mechanisms – our stress responses – are set in motion. In an office environment, such threats are of a different and less obvious nature than for example almost being run over by a car while crossing the street. In an office, this could be about things like conflicting deadlines, tasks beyond our competence, unattainable targets, or feeling excluded. Even though our lives are not actually in danger behind our desks, to our brain it is all the same – a threat is a threat – and therefore, every time our stress responses are triggered, our brain believes that we are not safe. In an environment where such stress triggers are a normal part of the day-to-day work, we get used to a state of alert as our default mode. We may even no longer be aware of being stressed. So while we think we are feeling perfectly fine when we go about our normal business, from a physiological perspective, we are experiencing constant danger. This explains my response to the magic wand question.
For me, this was an important insight as it means that my perception of my day-to-day reality and my functioning has always been materially affected by stress, without me being aware. Obviously, this is not all bad as it has also helped me accomplish a lot. There is a clear downside, though. When stress drives performance, the default approach will be reactive and short-term focused, rather than acting from a place of vision and clear intent. It impairs the ability to prioritise, focus on long-term goals and delegate to and work together with others. This brings us back to the magic wand question as it does exactly what is needed: by making you aware of your thought patterns and default approach to things, you can make a deliberate shift from reactive behaviour towards being intentional about where you want to go. So, stop and think: what is important to you, what does personal success look like for you, what do you want to prioritize and what is in the best interest of your team and the business and what not? Especially viewed from a leadership perspective, this is key.
This is your life – you only have one – and you have the right to be deliberate about what you want to achieve, what your boundaries are and what that means for the decisions that you make every day. If you are able to create the space to set and pursue long-term goals that are important to you, you will be able to invest more in the people around you and create more value for your organisation. It’s like being given the opportunity to either accept the position of CEO of your life or to settle for the position of order taker. The first step towards creating more clarity for yourself may be to answer the million dollar question: if you had unlimited resources and means and if you could wish for anything, what would you like to do or have and/or how would you like to feel? As a business coach, I can help you embark on this journey of a lifetime. It changes everything.