I keep coming back to the concept of the insecure overachiever as something that deserves more attention than it is getting. Without being consciously aware, overachievers make self-acceptance dependent on external achievements: a never-ending exercise as self-acceptance is not the product of external factors. Amongst professional services providers, this term can be used as a joke, a justification for a certain way of doing things and sometimes as a badge of honour: “This is how we are: insecure overachievers. Maybe not ideal, but it definitely has its upsides.”
Professional service providers, and lawyers in particular, suffer from mental health issues more than the average population. A survey done in 2021 by ALM Intelligence as part of the Law.com’s Minds Over Matters project, showed that 31.2% of the lawyers surveyed felt they were depressed. This percentage is significantly higher than the depression rate of the general population. An older but still relevant article in the magazine of the Dutch Bar Association (‘Advocatenblad’), ‘Why lawyers are so unhappy’, provides an interesting overview of why lawyers may be suffering from mental health issues (https://www.advocatenblad.nl/2014/09/25/waarom-advocaten-zo-ongelukkig-zijn/). Some of the reasons mentioned are linked to how lawyers think, the strong and competitive culture in which lawyers work, the pressure of the billable hour and the fact the needs of their clients come first, resulting in perceived limited control over their days.
Overachieving, like perfectionism, is a common behavioural pattern for lawyers. It also is a contagious pattern. Overachievers will trigger the people around them to demonstrate that same behaviour: it is assumed that this is expected of them. It is easy to see how this can affect the culture in law firms. While these thoughts and behaviours can definitely deliver impressive results, the success achieved in this way rarely feels satisfactory. Feeling stressed, anxious, empty and even depressed is quite common. It is ‘the dark side’ of a behavioural pattern that also brings success and recognised results. Rather than feeling fulfilled, the experience can be that of being pushed through life. The pressure of the omnipresent feeling of always having to do more and better is huge.
These behavioural patterns are not rational methods to get things done, but examples of survival strategies, developed very early on in life. These strategies enable us to cope with negative experiences at a time when we are dependent on adults for our survival. Every person has survival strategies. Other examples are avoiding conflict and pleasing. As adults, we don’t need these strategies any more, but they have become an integrated part of how we show up in life and as a result, we are often not aware of them, having been around for so long, while they have a substantial impact on our experiences and decisions.
If we pay close attention, we can identify our own survival strategies by listening to our mind’s inner chatter, including our inner critic. Seeing that chatter for what it is, thoughts that you can engage with or not, gives us a choice. We can choose to not engage and by doing so to not be pushed by the ‘dark side’, but rather to take charge and allow ourselves to act upon the pull of what energises and inspires us. This is not easy, but definitely doable. It is a muscle that can be developed, allowing you to master the art of not taking the default route of ‘the dark side’, but rather consciously making a choice to follow what represents a positive pull: innovation, creativity and entrepreneurship. It requires you to constantly remind yourself of this: you are not what you think. You may be undergoing the felt need of overachieving, but that is not who you are.
Taking a step back and just observing the noise in our minds is not always easy, but it is hugely liberating. The mere notion that you are in charge and that you have the power to not engage with the negative ways in which your inner chatter can push you forward is the start of exploring the bright side of your qualities and capabilities. It’s a different world altogether. I have experienced it myself and, I if you want, I can get you started as well.